Tools To Life: The Big Bump

The article comes from Tools To Life, Coach Steele program. The picture above comes from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Belize_Speed_Bump_Sign.JPG

The Big Bump

You don’t really conquer such a mountain. You conquer yourself!
You overcome the sickness and everything else, your pain,
aches, fears-- to reach the summit.
                                                                      -James Whittaker (on Mount Everest)

"Danger, Will Robinson. Danger, Will Robinson!”
                                                                                                 - Lost In Space robot

     Every now and then, when you’re cruising along, feeling great and enjoying the ride, you hit a big bump. You didn’t see it, and you weren’t ready for it, and so it really shakes you up. In fact, sometimes these bumps take you right off the road you are traveling. When you hit them hard enough, they stop you right there. If you had only known the bump was coming, you could have gotten ready. Then you could  approach it and figure out a way to get over it with the least damage and dis­turbance to your ride. If only you had known! The great thing about having a coach is that you can be warned about things you don’t see coming and be helped through them once you are in them. So let me warn you: You are about to hit a Big Bump. I will explain this in a second. I also want to let you know that I will coach you through it and past it, but you are going to hit it.

     Sorry, you can’t avoid it.

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies: for the hardest victory is the victory over self.
                                                                                                                    -Aristotle

     That’s right, you can’t avoid it. You can’t make a turn, take a different road, jump, fly, or do anything else to avoid it. You can’t even stop in your tracks--you’ll still hit it. There is nowhere you can go! The great thing is we can manage to get over it and continue our journey.

The best way out is always through.
                                                                                                            -Robert Frost

     Yes, you can make it through, and when you do, there will be a new world with endless possibili­ties waiting for you to develop and to fulfill your individual potential. The choice is yours, and if you want to make it over the bump, you can. If you want it, I will help you. So I have to ask you once again: Do you want to turn your life into what you want it to be? If you do, hang on to your seats, and grit your teeth because the bump you are about to smack into is yourself!

     Did you think it was going to be that easy? As much as you have worked and as much as you have grown, you had the advantage of surprise, momentum and the excitement of something new going for you. Your old negative patterns of think­ing were caught off guard and didn’t really think you were serious. After all, they have been around a long time, and you never followed through before and got rid of them, so why should this time be dif­ferent? But they get a sense it's different this time and if they want to stay, they’ll have to do something about it!

     I like to think of negative patterns as tenants in an apartment building. Your brain is the building and negative thoughts, patterns and habits occupy apartment space there. Not only are they tenants, but they also have ruled the building. They have made the rules and have set the tone of the standard of living. They have nonstop parties, pizza and beer and have all their friends over all the time. The music is so loud that the songs they sing are often the only thing we can hear.

     They’ve been having all the fun and too much fun for a long time. Now that you want them to leave, they’re not going to just pack up their bags like good little children and exit the building quiet­ly and cooperatively. Oh, no, they’re going to kick and scream and do everything they can to stay! They’ll start to tell you that you do not have to fol­low the Checklist. They’ll start to tell you that you can skip a day, that you can skip items, that things are silly in TOOLS, that things do not apply to you, that for however long you do this, every thought you think of will disqualify and stop the process.

     However, it’s your building, and you do have the right to kick them out. After all they’ve been destroying your property for a long time. They make you eat too much, late for important appoint­ments, insecure, depressed, smoke, drink, not exer­cise, lower your self esteem, all this and more. They’ve been doing everything to run the building down. So as a landlord who should be interested in the upkeep of your property, you do have the right to get rid of them and restore your building. So what kind of landlord are you going to be?

     I can tell you I know this will happen at some point in the next seven days. In my experience with clients, the majority of them suffer a setback in the period between Day 23 and Day 30. They find reasons to return to old habits and patterns of thinking. They usually have quite intelli­gent reasons. After all, it’s not that they are failing to follow through, but very important work issues have come up. I have a family member that needs help right now. I mean after all, there’s not just enough time to think positively throughout the day is, there? I’ve heard it all, and I can tell you it is all a lie! Every reason, every justification, every man­ner to stop this process and or disqualify it is a lie.

     The greatest deceiver of them all, your negative pattern of thinking, is lying to you.

It is a revenge of the devil sometimes takes upon the virtuous, that entraps them by the force of the very thoughts they have suppressed and think themselves superior to.
                                                                                                 -George San Tayana

     So it’s okay to linger in bed, eat another donut, and not put effort into plans to make your life what you want it to be? Listen, this process works, but you have to stick with it and make it work! You have to want to change, and you have to fight to control your apartment building.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
                                                                                                            -Carol Burnett

     Your tenants are no strangers, though. No, your old habits and negative patterns of thinking have become good friends. They are old friends you are used to and comfortable with. After all, they support all your wrong deci­sions and make you feel good about them. As bad as they are for you, they are what you know. Often, when I’m working with people, as good as their lives start to become, they are uncomfortable with these new feelings. It’s a situation they are not used to, and as good as it is, it can actually be scary. It’s fac­ing and experiencing the unknown. As bad as our negative thinking is, it’s what we know, are familiar with and feel safe around.

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.
                                                                                                                  -Anonymous

     Your old ways of thinking are like the old pair of shoes in your closet. You’ve broken them in and they feel right. Even though they have holes in the bottoms and do not do a good job of protecting and helping you, you put them on instead of the new pair of shoes lying next to them. You’ll wear the old shoes in the rain and get wet. The new shoes have to be broken in and at first are uncomfortable, so you go with what you know. Let’s not only break in those new shoes; let’s get rid of that old pair once and for all.

First we make our habits, and then our habits make us.
                                                                                                                 -John Dryden

     The important thing to remember is that, although these negative thoughts are old friends, they are not good friends, nor do they have your best interests in mind. In fact, these negative thoughts are abusive friends who don’t care about you. They only care about what they want, and the things they want are always bad for you. I like to think of it as being in an abusive relationship. It always amazes everyone how a battered and abused person goes back to the abusive partner.

     Unfortunately, we go back to what we know and are used to, whether it’s good for us or not. Let’s not stay in an abusive relationship. Let’s break free.

     So what’s it going to be? An amazing aspect that people don’t understand and don’t consider is that negativity is an addictive and dangerous drug. We actually crave and desire it. It becomes how we think. We begin to see the world not through rosy glasses, but rather through the dark, tinted glasses of our negative patterns of thinking.

     Think about it. You get up in the morning and read the newspaper, get in your car to go to work and hear the same news you just read, then on your way home you listen to it once again, then the evening news and then the news before bed. What changed in all that time? Not much, you just need another dose of negativity. We begin to love to hear about other people’s problems and adversi­ties. Our conversations tilt toward our complaints and negative opinions. Then it reflects in our patterns of behavior. We give up, don’t go to the gym, eat badly, drink badly; it all doesn’t matter. It’s a giant black cloud that swallows us.

     Negativity is a very dangerous and bad drug that kills lives and our ability to make our lives what we want them to be. When I work with my clients, I like to give them this visual, and they tell me that it helps them through the battle. It helps you stop from giving negative thoughts a warm and friendly greeting. Then you can evict them from the apartment building of your mind.

For many, negative thinking is a habit, which over time, becomes an addiction. It’s a disease, like alcoholism, compulsive overeating, or drug abuse.
                                                                                                        -Peter McWilliams

     I tell them to visualize a junkie shooting heroin in his or her arm. Think of the most disgusting character you can conjure up in your mind. Hunched over, drooling, with scabs and bruises, and a needle in his or her arm. Then every time you’re getting ready to indulge yourself with anoth­er dose of negativity, see yourself as that character shooting up with negativity. Both heroin and nega­tivity destroy lives, it’s simply a matter of choosing a drug of choice. Now I know this is not pleasant, and I know you don’t like to think of it this way. If you do, you can change, but as long as you give your negative patterns of thinking any room, they’ll try to take over, and they’ll try to spread into every area of your life. They will affect your health, career, relationships . . . everything they can.

The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions
is that people actually worship them.
                                                                                                          -P.D. Ouspensky

     Negative patterns of thinking are so strong that they take over our souls. They become who we are, and we begin to idealize them and crave them. We gather around in groups, worshiping them. But you can make a conscious decision to change these patterns. You can decide that you’re not going to listen to the lies and that you’re going to finish TOOLS. You can decide that no matter what logical reason you invent that you will not take your eye off the goal of finishing TOOLS.

     Now that you know that you’ll hit this bump, you can hit it and keep going. Now you won’t be surprised by it, but even though you know it’s com­ing, you’ll have to fight. Believe me, your negative thinking patterns are very tricky; they’ll seduce you with suggestions that seem so harmless; after all, what’s one day, one piece of cake, one more drink, one more hour of lingering in bed, one night of no sleep? Yes, it will rear its ugly head and try to devour you. But we can beat this and we will!

     You also have to watch out for friends and relatives. It’s amazing how seeing someone else change and become positive can be seriously intimidating. They’ll tell you that to wake up, clap your hands and say, “I’m having a great day,” is silly. They’ll tell you that this is just a bunch of malarkey. Misery loves company, and some people will not be comfortable with the new you. They’ll say things in a sarcastic manner: “Here comes Mr. or Ms. Happy.” Have you ever noticed that alcoholics always want you to have another drink with them?

     This is about you, and this is about you being able to make your life what you want it to be. This is about your career, your health, your body, and your relationships. This is about everything you want. So what’s it going to be, the new way or the old way of thinking? The funny thing is we’re talk­ing about ninety days. Ninety days of continu­ous, consistent effort in thinking positively and put­ting effort into your life. We’re talking about ninety days, when you have already seen positive results in your life. Don’t tell me you haven’t! Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t! This is Coach you are talk­ing to, or did you forget?

     Listen, I know you have. Everyone I have ever worked with has. Everyone that I have worked on with the testing of Tools To Life, has. Are you some kind of exception? The patterns of positive behav­ior we’ve been working on have had no positive results in your life? Well, we both know that’s a lie, and we know that you’re not only lying to me but to yourself as well. We already discussed that behind every lie to yourself is a failure. Stop the lying. You know you’re doing better, and if you’re not it’s because you don’t want to be better, and then your intent is to fail.

     Once again, we’re talking about ninety days. Ninety days in a life span where you didn't take control of how you’re thinking. Don’t you think it’s about time? Do you think it's really that much effort? Fight the impulse to self-sabotage. Remember, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

It is not every calamity that is a curse, and early adversity is often a blessing. Surmounted difficulties not only teach, but hearten us in our future struggles.
                                                                                                                -James Sharp

     This week will not be your last battle with the roar of your negative patterns of thinking. However, every time you face the battle and win, you get stronger and stronger, and the negative patterns of thinking get weaker and weaker. Remember that the less you use a pathway (synapse), the more the vegetation grows back. Conversely, the more you take conscious effort toward positive, constructive behavior and thought in your life, the stronger those pathways become. Eventually they will be superhighways to the destination of your desires.

Great men rejoice in adversity, just as brave soldiers triumph in war.
                                                                                                             -Lucius Seneca

     So now that you know the bump is coming, you are ready. Make up your mind now and be resolved to conquer and continue on our journey through TOOLS. This is a battle and a battle worth winning. Together we will win. With your commitment, we will coach you through, and the war will end.

The only conquests which are permanent and leave no regrets
are the conquests over ourselves.
                                                                                          -Napoleon Bonaparte

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